Reality?

So, I am still dealing with a knee injury that I suffered about 3 weeks ago. I have to take a long time to stretch it out before practice or lotus is not an option, and I haven't attempted Mari D on the left, although, my Mari C on the bad knee (right) came back yesterday, so tomorrow I will attempt Mari D. Something my teacher/mentor said last week totally resonated with me. I think we were in Upavista Konasana which is not my favorite pose, but he has really helped me go deeper into it. He said something to the effect of "ignore the messages that the skin sends to your brain, because if you listen to them you will get stuck." I have been known to push to hard and it has hampered my practice many times. But pushing hard is your mind, your ego wanting to get into the pose. Ignoring the sensations of the skin is getting out of your mind and letting the body go where it needs to go and both the body and mind end up going deeper. Then my practice got a little spotty due to illness, migraines and the holidays, but I feel like now I am back on track and will enter the New Year with renewed vision and feeling for my practice.

I am also closely studying the second book of the Yoga Sutras for a project for a 100 hour teacher training that I am undertaking. I have read it before, but now I see how much it applies to the practice, to life. Seeking non-attachment and realizing that reality is subjective, I hope to lift myself and others around me. Already, a friend from whom I was estranged (not by my choice) has invited me back into her life. It filled me with such joy because we had been so close and shared so many things and then she had a baby, and I do not have any children, and things just started to fall apart in our relationship. I couldn't be there like she wanted me too and I think we both missed our carefree days of shopping on the weekends and having dinner parties and all the things that go along with being childless. I think that I couldn't relate to her new life and being so close, it hurt her tremendously and so she had to cut me out of her life. But now we have another chance and I hope this New Year brings peace and happiness to all of my friends and loved ones.

Practice

I was practicing last week. I was feeling very good. I was working deep into backbends and forward bends and I felt like I was moving to a new level and becoming lighter in body and spirit.
Then my ego took over in one class and torqued my knee, heard a pop and that was it. The next day every thing hurt. It hurt to walk, my practice was a wreck and so was I. I was trying to be good to my knee and stretch things I thought were tight and working 10 hours a day and assisting in classes. I took a day off and went back a little better. Then one day I woke up and I didn't want to go to mysore; my head was pounding and I was tired to the bone. I went to work and it was worse. My head was so heavy and my thoughts and my voice were dark. I only wanted to lay down, but I wanted to practice too. I felt as though my body was trying to rob me of my practice. But a little voice in my head - which turned into the voice of my teachers said - maybe this is your body telling you to take a break and you'll come back stronger. But what I really need to learn is to humble my ego - which laying in bed feeling sick will do. So I guess until then, I'll just wait with patience and humility, until my body and mind are ready to progress together.