Loving-Kindness Meditation

Last night in teacher training meditation I experienced a true release so profound and so lovely that it has to be chalked up there with those moments when you find ease in a pose that you have always struggled with, or when you are finally able to bind in Marichyasana D or Bhadda Padmasana.

I love teacher training meditation. It is on Friday's after a long week and we always start just with a basic sitting meditation 25, 30, 35 minutes. I always feel refreshed and relaxed afterwards. This week I had to do my "book report" as did another student and we both picked books by Pema Chodron. I had told her which book that I had chosen so that she didn't choose the same book. The other student's presentation was much more lighthearted, whereas mine was much more serious which was interesting to note. No judgement, just an observation. Then we began the guided meditations.

The first was a walking meditation with was interesting and enjoyable enough. Not what I might choose for my own meditative style, but well executed and different. The second was sort of moving through different yoga poses in a meditative style, something I might do myself. Finally we came back to the person who had done the other Pema Chodron book report. She offered up a meditative technique taught in the book, as I was going to do (Tonglen meditation is taught in "When Things Fall Apart.") Apparently in her book there was a teaching of a loving-kindness meditation.

It began with a seated meditation and asked us to close our eyes and offer loving-kindness to ourselves. Then it asked us to imagine a person of whom we are very fond - I immediately imagined my husband- and to offer them loving-kindness. Immediately my hands came into the heart mudra and I began to cry - not out loud, but tears were streaming down my face. Then she asked us to imagine a friend and offer them loving-kindness. I imagined a nice, good friend and that settled me down a little bit. Then she asked us to imagine some random person whom we had met during the day. I imagined someone I had spoke with on the phone. That was actually the hardest, as I just felt neutral, like, "o.k., I can offer you loving-kindness and believe in your basic goodness, but eh." Then she asked us to imagine a person with whom we have been having difficulty. I knew just who would pop into my head and there that person was. And we were asked to offer loving-kindness to that person and I felt almost the same overwhelming feeling of loving-kindness that I had felt take over me as when I had imagined Tim, as though my heart had wanted to release all of those negative emotions, but hadn't known how.

Afterwards I was speechless and overwhelmed. I had not been prepared for the level of feelings that I would experience. I know that I am capable of love and of loving-kindness, but I didn't expect it to completely overtake me like it did. How can I take these feelings that are apparently lying below the surface and "water those seeds" so that they grow into more and more compassion?