I need an easy friend

So sometimes people create drama and you have to wonder - am I prolonging this drama or am I just caught in the middle? Right now all I can feel is compassion. I can't feel anger or disappointment or anything else. If I feel a little fear I stay there with it. It really does work. It dissolves and opens and becomes more and more compassion. We are all scared. Unless we are truly enlightened then we want to protect our fragile egos. I love the Pema Chodron quote that says "The kinds of lessons that are learned in practice have nothing to do with bravery, they have to do with having the courage to die, to courage to die eternally." And then the Thicht Naht Hanh quote that says "Suffering is not enough." Meaning we must also find joy, compassion, pure happiness. How do we open ourselves to these two seemingly different, yet similar pairs of thoughts? How do we become an easy friend.

I've been told that I can be a difficult person to deal with. Being stuck inside my own ego, I can't see it. I see myself trying to be a good person, I see myself going overboard a little bit. I see my sarcasm at times, some cynicism. I see a harshness that needs to be tempered by compassion. I see a person who works with cancer patients every day and wants to cry for every last one of them. I often practice Tonglen for all of my patients, for my friends and family who I feel might be needing it. I see someone who has much to learn on this road and who isn't afraid to try, to fall, to admit a mistake and get back up again. I see someone who needs the help of friends.

Today is our nation's Independence Day. I've also been told - not by the people who say that I am difficult, that I need to learn to trust my own intuition. That I need to go inside myself, meditate, withdraw. That's not in my nature, but it speaks to the truth of my heart right now. Go inside, reserve your energy for those who need it. Widen the circle of compassion. Bring the mind back home. It all gets lost and scattered in the hall of mirrors that is our modern society. We do indeed have to be careful to stay on the right path.