One step forward, one step back

Last night my friend Min came over so that I could help guide her through the Primary Series. Since I am going through teacher training I was ecstatic at the chance to practice on someone who already had some knowledge of yoga, and even of the Primary Series. She just doesn't remember the exact sequencing. I discovered, as did she, that she has a lovely practice and that she needs to build some overall strength. I did some gentle corrections and tried to work with her on her chaturanga which was her weakest pose, understandably. I found that I have a "voice" as a teacher that is a little stern, but very playful. As she started to get tired we stopped doing as many of the vinyasas and started just looking at the poses, but we made it through them all, except for setu bhandasana, since I knew she had neck problems -- we just did bridge pose. And like my other favorite teachers I insisted that she try to lift between every pose, even though she couldn't get off the ground -- she will someday, and that's the only way. Even though it was just the two of us we ended with three Oms. It felt like the right thing to do. And while she was in savasana I gave her blessings and tried to create a nice calm space where she could relax and I could almost feel when she finally went inward.

Then this morning I woke up with the worlds worst migraine. I'd been doing really well this week and was soooo happy. And I was so happy after my first "teaching" experience. Min was glowing when she left and kept coming back to give me hugs. It was the last thing I expected. So I guess I have to give myself rest, permission to rest which is hard for me. I just finished reading Pema Chodren's When Things Fall Apart. I started reading it partly because I developed this condition which is a cranial neuralgia where it feels as though someone is shooting me behind the ear with a cattle prod every once in a while and I never know when it's coming. It just called to me, but I didn't read it until the doctors overmedicated me with painkillers and my yoga teacher stepped in and told me what I already knew which was that I needed to get off of all those painkillers. So I came up with the plan with the doctors that kept me out of the hospital and came off of a lot of painkillers in two weeks. I started reading Pema then, because at that point I really did feel like things were falling apart. Even though according to the doctors I wasn't mentally or emotionally addicted to the pills, I definitely depended on them to keep the pain away. When I started reading Pema I realized I don't need to fear the pain or run away from it. It just is and I can be with it and breathe. Most of the time. Her lesson is mostly that we shouldn't try to get ground beneath our feet because it's just an illusion and it will just disappear anyway. A hard lesson for me to learn.